Sunday, December 9, 2007

Welcome (Back) + Man Boobs

So the other day I was doing some very scientific research, trying to figure out if anything weird would happened to guys if they just touched birth control pills. Sort of like, how (I think) it is bad for girls to even touch the pills guys take for hair loss because of the hormones in them. Or maybe I made that up. Anyway, bottom-line: will touching them make guys grow man-boobs?

I don't know WHY I started to wonder this. Or WHY this is important. But suddenly, I cared. Yeah, I cared a lot.

However, Google was completely useless to me. When I typed, "men touch birth control pills and man boobs" or any similar searches, I got nothing. So I have no idea, do they have to actually take the pills? Are guys at risk for pill-induced boob growth? WHO KNOWS?!

I just want some sort of formula like: Guys + Touching Birth Control Pills = Man Boobs

All I got was: useless, unrelated crap.

Then I realized, there are so many gaping holes in the internet. I should try to fill those holes. With a blog. Yes. What the internet really needs is another blog.

Truthfully, I already had a blog once upon a time. But it was my first blog and I went about making it pretty much the same way I went about making my first cake.

I had watched my mom bake cakes before, and it seemed simple enough, she just got the big mixing bowl and threw some ingredients together. So I got the big mixing bowl and some ingredients. Except, at the age of 7, the only ingredients I had ever mixed were cereal and milk. So I just threw those in the big mixing bowl and started stirring. True, it wasn't anything you'd serve at a birthday party, but how can you go wrong with those tasty little marshmallows? Unfortunately, my mom got kind of pissed and most of it end up in the garbage disposal. Ditto, my blog.

So this time will be different. Marshmallows are OK, but putting my first and last name in the URL is not OK. (I know, right? That's like all sorts of awkwardness/HR meetings waiting to happen.) And we (I'm looking at you, genius reader/soon-to-be-commenter) will get to the bottom whether guys will grow boobs. Otherwise, I will be forced to make something up.


D. Sherman said...

such an ambitious undertaking...
you're very witty.
I'm excited for your blog.

Sean said...

kinda like in that movie "16 candles" or "Pretty in Pink" (i always get those two confused), when the nerdy kid eats a birth control pill.

My friends and I may or may not have answered a dare to try one and see what happens. Seemed funny and harmless at the time. But now I am worried about my chest. Not too mention the many other things I am suddenly worried about.

Like, will I suddenly be sensitive to the needs of my wife? Will I begin watching cheesy movies on the Lifetime Network? Will I find McDreamy attractive? Will I suddenly lose my sense of direction and start to wonder why I scream at the TV on sunday afternoons?

Please Mrs. Professor. You must find these answers. MY BOOBS AND I ARE COUNTING ON YOU!

Laura said...

My first commenters--yall will always be my very favorite :) thank you!